Slab (Noun) — a handheld computer with a display typically operated by touch screen for browsing content typically connected to a network.
To slab (verb)– to use a slab computer, the user typically is looking at the screen and makes repeated swiping motions. Especially when viewing a socialmedia feed, or playing a mind-numbing game. See Also: Doom Scroll
slab (adjective) Resembling a piece of glass or rock, typically hand held, from about 2×4 inches to 8.5×11 inches.
feed: (noun) the content that a company selects to display to a user, often selected by algorithm to encourage engagement, and frequently goes on forever.
I have spent some time considering our language. I have studied linguistics and a few languages, and can’t say that I am very good at them. However, I did learn that we can change our language.
Smart Phones are not smart.
Phone is spelled with a ph.
People rarely use their phones as phones. Many kids have phones and tablets without without a phone number.
These devices resemble tablets. Tablets and pads are terms already used for large devices that do not make phone calls.
Walk down a street, see everybody sitting there fondling their glass slabs.
A lady at a beer festival suggested using the words “space phone” instead of smart phone. I tried calling them that for a while. Space is a bit too lofty, but it does conger a light headed spaciness.
My uncle told me about a friend of his calling these devices fondle slabs. That fits, that is great… it is sufficiently derogatory and descriptive. “fondling” has too many connotations with lewd behavior, even though that may be appropriate.
Much communication does not distinguish if you have an ios device or an android, or a Linux phone, or Windows..
We now may refer to smart phones as “fons” which is short for fondle slab, which is drop in replaceable for occurrences of phone.
Slab shall now be used to reference tablets, flapbooks, and smart phones.
Slabbing sounds like slobbering, which should evoke a sense of stupidity.
“Hey, stop fondling your slab and look at me while we are talking.”
“The kids are all slabbing away.”
“I do not lend my slab to other people.”
“We have offloaded our ability to solve problems to our slab and the internet.”